True Journalism

Wouldn't it be fantastic to project ourselves into the future and retrospectively discover a post-apocalyptic newspaper article nestled in the obliterated remains of a once-magnificent city... an article like the following!

March 23, 2043

Giant Wolves Attack Park in Downtown Vancouver
by Naomi Blitzen

VANCOUVER - Three enormous wolves, each roughly half the size of a city block and about two stories tall, attacked a group of helpless parkgoers in Queen Elizabeth Park this morning. Twenty three people are reported dead, and at least another fourty-two were rushed to the nearby BC Children and Women's Hospital for immediate treatment. More than a dozen remain in critical condition.

The wolves appear to have been hiding in the Vandusen Botanical Garden, nearby to the west, and dashed into Queen Elizabeth Park at approximately 7:30am. Parkgoers were taken entirely by surprise, and most of the reported deceased belong to a Tai Chi group called Subtle Movements, which meets regularly on the south-western edge of the park.

"As soon as we saw these big [expletive deleted] wolves charging into the park - and I mean holy jesus they were roaring and snarling and I thought holy [expletive deleted] I'm going to die - well as soon as we saw them we just started running like all hell," reports one victim, Jim Basmuth, a superintendent in one of the nearby buildings. "Everyone just lost it and started screaming and tearing off and stepping over each other. I mean it was like total carnage."

The first four police officers to have arrived on the scene are also among the dead. "When officers Bartuzzi and Cannelli arrived there, they naturally began firing at the animals. I mean, we really don't have any training for this. They saw the giant wolves, and what are you supposed to do?" explained Police Constable Bernard Artaud at a press conference earlier this morning. "Of course, the wolves turned on them. They honestly didn't have a chance."

More officers arrived on the scene, and a perimeter was quickly set up around the park. Soon after, the military arrived with two tanks, several support helicopters, and a number of armored personnel carriers. According to numerous witness accounts, the wolves seemed entirely uninterested in the show of force around them. "They just sat down near each other and started, oh god, you know... munching," reported one witness. "The worst part," said another, ashen-faced, bystander, "was when they, jesus christ in heaven... when they started throwing the bodies in the air and, well, catching them."

The police and military perimeter was gradually tightened around the wolves. Large shock-transmitting weapons were mounted on trucks, for the purpose of stunning the enormous animals. Unfortunately, once the perimeter came to within 50 feet of the wolves, they began growling, stood to their feet, and simply bounded over the line of vehicles. Weapons fire from the military appears to have had no effect.

The wolves were last spotted heading down E 33rd Avenue towards the eastern edge of the city. The national guard has been contacted, and the entire city has been placed on high alert. A city-wide emergency bulletin was aired, urging all residents to remain indoors until the danger has been averted.

"I hate that I have to feel like a prisoner in my own home!" Complained Melissa Benins, who lives near the park where the incident ocurred. "I mean, how the hell did these wolves get into the city anyway?"

Officials believe the wolves swam in from Fraser river, to the south, and crept through the streets during the night. Driven by hunger, they attacked the first large cluster of people they found in the morning. Dr. Benjamin Wiscoff, a leading Caninologist at the University of British Columbia, commented that, "Wolves will not generally attack humans unless they are driven to it by severe hunger. It seems entirely reasonable that wolves of this size would have a very difficult time meeting their dietary needs, and so would be driven into the city sooner or later, out of necessity."

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And another article -- scorched, frayed, ink faded, more recent yet worse for wear -- might reasonably be found underneath the twisted remains of an old newspaper dispenser. Its fragments could well read:

ay 14t , 043

Giant Wolves Continue to Plague Western Canada
by Betty Norbitz

VAN..OUV.R - Since the first attack many mon..s ago, so small by comparison to today's onslaught, the wolv..' numbers have continued to grow. Wolf sightings are a daily ocurrence, and attacks happen severa times a week. In Kelow a,

......... three hundred dead......................no reasonable expectation of retaliation

.......... small glimmer of hope ............. community pushed to the edge of despera.... ................. electrified a wolf water supply and brought one of th.. ..... down ..............
........................... much jubilation .................. .nfortunat.l.y, cut short, when the tow. hall .................. by an undetermine ....... of wolv.. .
More cynical observe.. ..............., "...... almost like ...... strange breed of wolf vengeance .........."


..S. Military forces ...... refuse ... offer assistance, owing to their own infestation of ...........